Up until this point, everything posted here has been focused on us. That was very selfish of us, wasn’t it? So, Gov., what’s in it for you? 

Well.

1. The Eagles will have a winning season in 2013.

2. You will be featured as a pundit on various television and radio programs. 

3. You will become a hero in Philadelphia, one day immortalized by a mural on the side of the PSFS building. 

4. My brother will teach you his signature double dutch dance moves, which will deliver endless benefits to both your political career and your social life. 

5. Good fuzzy koala bear feelings!

6. A delicious cheese spread from DiBruno Brothers.

7. All the Tastykakes you can fit in your pockets. 

8. Hilarious intelligent conversation (though will warn that this might mean an intervention regarding overuse of the word “wuss”). 

9. A good story to take on the road with you. 

10. A free air mattress to sleep on in luxurious North London. 

PLEASE HELP US! We’re five months out and have no plan B for an officiant! Come onnn, Ed!! 

http://www.the700level.com/football-philadelphia-eagles/news/Insult-to-Injury-The-Eagles-Loss-Inspire?blockID=803797&feedID=8510

CLICK IT. DO IT. DO IT NOW!!! 

Because he is the awesomest, Ed Rendell recently wrote a story for Philly SportsWeek about the Olympics. Rendell (sounds formal for all of this unsolicited, one-sided internet communication. Can I call him Ed? No? Alright.) wants the Olympics to come to Philadelphia. It hasn’t worked out, but can you imagine the swell of pride the city would experience? Not to mention some much-needed infrastructure updates (maybe some of the closed public pools could be used for the men’s medley or synchronized swimming). 

And here we run into another connection that clearly indicates that Ed Rendell should officiate our wedding: we are experienced Olympians. We have attended both women’s soccer and racewalking at the London 2012 games and have been amateur Olympic commentators since at least 1988. If the Olympics come to Philadelphia, we will repay the favor and step in to run the show without asking for any payment, as a thanks to Mr. Rendell for officiating our VERY SHORT AND INFORMAL ceremony in 2013 (note: not an Olympic year, as we must be at the ready for any unforeseen Olympic opportunities in Philly). 

So, sorry. We’ve been neglecting this. I don’t think anyone actually reads it, so it’s cool! Basically, we (read: Mary Ann) had some wedding budget related meltdowns. Weddings are expensive. Stupidly so. Earlier this week, I was on the brink of saying F it and just renting out a bar and inviting everyone for pub food and beer. That’d still be a great time. Anyways, so that took over my brain and I’ve been absent. And last week we were in Edinburgh for the Fringe Festival, so don’t feel too sorry for us. I’m back to GAME ON mode, though, so no worries, my pretty non-existent readers!! xx

Of course, we all know that Ed Rendell is known simply as ‘Guv’ to on Comcast’s Philadelphia Eagles post-game show. This is logical considering Rendell’s two terms of service as Governor of the Commonwealth of Pennsylvania.

Less known is the fact that I, too, am often addressed as some variant of ‘governor’ (‘guv’nor’, ‘guvna’, ‘guv’, etc.). Living as I do in London, I cannot count the times that I’m popping off to the pillbox or having a pint in the pub or just stood in a queue for nothing when some sooty faced street urchin sidles up to me and says something like, ‘Ello guv. Oy ‘as jus’ sat ova der finkin’ it looks loike dat geezah’s wontin’ fer a noice clean chimney an’ aww dat, roight? So Oy comes ower ‘ere an’ thought Oy’d foind aht. Hah ‘bout ah chimney sweepin’, guv?’ I know it seems a bit Dickensian, but this scenario unfolds almost every other day of my life.

So, from one guv to another, ‘Oy’d be pre’y chuffed if you’d do moi weddin’, now wouldn’ Oy?’

As an added incentive, we are willing to name our next cat “Rendell” if this all works out. 

Ed Rendell was a member of Pi Lambda Phi fraternity at U Penn. Mary Ann drank lots of Milwaukee’s Best at Pi Lam at Penn State. We are brethren of the beast. 

I now hear it in Ed Rendell’s voice. I’ve heard it. I cannot unhear it! 

Reason #20, or whatever we’re up to.

19. Ed Rendell is known for telling it like it is, which is refreshing in politics these days.* This week, he called out Obama’s campaign team for slinging mud at Romney re: felony accusations. I would be thrilled to see political campaigns run a little more cleanly and, you know, on the issues that matter. But I’m just silly like that. Anyways, high five to Ed for calling people out on this one. 

I’m not sure why Rendell is such a straight-talking truth-teller, but my reason for being that way is a total lack of short- and long-term memory. I can never remember what I have or haven’t said and am thus entirely incapable of covering my tracks. I suck at lying for this reason. So I figure if I’m just honest ALL THE TIME, I will be less likely to contradict myself. 

I reckon that Rendell is just a total badass, though. And for that, he wins. 

*Though I wish he’d stop calling people “wusses” for the sake of promoting his book. It’s driving me nuts every time I Google News search him. 

16. Do you know how many times I’ve been to the Plymouth Meeting Barnes & Nobel? I probably touched things in that store that he touched. I’ve driven the roads. Parked in the lot. Basked in the AC. Shopped in the paranormal teen romance section (no). 

Also, that’s iced tea he’s drinking, not iced coffee. This reporter is unreliable.